Sometimes events happen in our lives that cannot be understood. The mind struggles when situations turn out differently than anticipated. While moving through all sorts of emotions it is difficult to come back to something very vital in life - the breath of acceptance. Inhaling ease and a sense of knowing that everything has its reason in a wider picture we often cannot understand. A union that is being drawn in another realm that the bare eye cannot see.

An initiation takes place that allows oneself to dive underneath the surface of the sea.

A glimpse into the invisible.

A moment of pausing.

A silent withdrawal from the world happens in order to move inwards.

In this space one can easily get overwhelmed by the immensity of pain & non - understanding. We may try to escape or blame the outside for how we feel while meeting ourselves in our deepest vulnerability. By sitting with what is in front of us, there is a sense of separation as well as a feel of absence.

When the mind tries to understand something that is far beyond its reach it eventually exhausts itself & we start observing our mind made stories. Eventually creativity arises from this place, music is written, poems are cited and paintings are drawn. It allows us to drink from a well that we may have walked by unnoticed. Only years later eventually we come to understand the treasure that has been hidden within this experience that we wished never happened.

In this way, I want to tell you the story of my older brother, Sebastian. My mother gave birth to him when she was 18 years old and not only wasn't she feeling ready of becoming a mother at such a tender age, but also of having her first born being diagnosed with down syndrome made her question existence very early on. At that day the sun just moved into the hexagram the Chinese named 'the darkening of the light', it speaks exactly about moving through a dark night in order to meet the self in one's bare humanity and vulnerability while at the same time create an enormous capacity for compassion while holding the candle when others move through hardship. Handling such a situation without breaking underneath its load, while shortly afterwards her own mother left the her physical body, must have been a challenge.

Nevertheless, Sebastian is a blessing. Yet it took me years to understand what treasures were actually hidden by having him joining our family. How his story has shaped mine and everyone he has and is going to touch in his lifetime.

Having grown up next to someone that rests in such a presence and loving heart was a deep revelation in itself. At an early age, I was invited to question societies standards and what is defined as normal. The way we separate and exclude everyone who seems to not fit into a wonderful mass unification, deeply shaped my worldview. I suddenly realized how much of Huxley's Brave new world we are actually living in and how our society does not create so much space for natural development.

Realizing each person has a different task to fulfill on this planet in their own season and timing. Up to this point, when I am with my brother, he allows me to actually transcend what I perceive with my bare eyes & remember that nature is always made up of unique shapes and sizes. He allows me to see through the surface, inviting me to recognize all the ways I separate through my opinions and judgements.

His story reminds me every time I go through a difficult phase that there are deep secrets hidden in life's mysterious unfolding, which is hard to grasp with my very limited worldview.

When I think about family constellations I am often fascinated by the waves each member ripples into a lineage, how we unconsciously shape each other in ways beyond our imagination. And I remember Rilkes words "Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are just princesses who are waiting to see us act, just once with beauty and courage. Perhaps all that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."

I am writing these words as a reminder of how exactly these challenging moments shape us in beautiful ways, when life turns out differently than anticipated. When we are invited to let go of control, a softness emerges.

And just the other day as I talked to my mother she said, 'actually with Sebastian's birth I was taught a wonderful lesson early on, to not expect anything from my children, but allow life & its messages to reveal themselves through them.' 'It was his birth that brought me closer to faith and utmost trust in life.'

I write this text in honor of my older brother's story. When my mother gave birth to him 43 years ago, she would have never thought that he will live one day together with his girlfriend and be a theater actor for more than 20 years now. But she believed in him, despite the doctor's & societies words. Probably the most precious gift a mother can give to her child.

I write these words in order to remind all of us that there is a bittersweet symphony written in each story. How we tell these stories and how we walk through them is up to us.

A journey into the jungles of Ecuador

June 17th, 2024

March 22nd, 2024

January 1st, 2024

November 11th, 2023

March 17th, 2023

June 17^th, 2024

March 22^nd, 2024

January 1^st, 2024

November 11^th, 2023

March 17^th, 2023