This dream I thought is my life was, including my identity was put upside down in a split second when I lost everything I thought that kept me on the road but my life. But what does that actually mean? Items, a career?

I felt like free falling. Realizing in all this rush of adrenalin that was running through my veins how I was too hard on myself throughout all my life. Never letting rest or failure be an option. This goes back to my childhood when noone ever told me how much worth I am, no parent, no teacher, so I tried to prove myself, always wanted more, a better version of myself. I made myself belief I have perform more than 100% in everything I do, to strive for perfection, without understanding the beauty of imperfection in terms of individuality. A pressure inside me to leave this cycle made me leave home more than 10 years ago, yet the pressure won't leave unless I had faced it.

A surreal moment of truth and reality - a confrontation with the now, the present. A slow-motion scene in a movie: Myself in the midst of in a 10 million people city. Alone? Not really. People kept on running. Life was continuing. The world kept on turning while I stood still. One glimpse of light, like an epiphany and a feel of freedom, then the mind came in including all its words and worries. No one noticed this little blonde lost soul. Colours faded, my movie turned into black and white and suddenly there was only black. Hectic breathing, no air to be found no direction to go. What had just happened? I felt lost and alone, but I realized I am alive. I began turning in circles, but where to go? What to do? I needed more air to fill my lungs, to clean my mind. Eventually the colours came back.

Deep breathing throughout my last days in Argentina. Lots of deep breathing, healthy food and laughs and tears with wonderful human beings to reevaluate what I call: The beauty of letting go.

FootNotes

A journey into the jungles of Ecuador

June 17th, 2024

March 22nd, 2024

January 1st, 2024

November 27th, 2023

November 11th, 2023

June 17^th, 2024

March 22^nd, 2024

January 1^st, 2024

November 27^th, 2023

November 11^th, 2023